1: Public Service AnnouncementThis is a public service announcement brought to you in part by Slim Shady. The views and events expressed here are totally fucked, And are not necessarily the views of anyone. However the events and suggestions that appear on this album are not to be taken lightly. Children should not partake in the listening of this album with laces in their shoes. Slim Shady is not responsible for your actions. Upon purchasing this album you have agreed to try this at home. Anything else? Yeah, don't do drugs.
2: My Name Is (explicit version)hi, my name is... what? my name is... who? my name is...Slim Shady hi, my name is huh? my name is... what? my name is...Slim Shady Excuse me Can I have the attention of the class for one second hi kids, do you like violence (yeah yeah yeah) wanna see me stick nine inch nails through each one of my eyelids? (uh huh) wanna copy me and do exactly like i did? (yeah yeah) try 'cid and get fucked up worse than my life is? my brain's dead weight, i'm tryin to get my head straight but i cant figure out which Spice Girl i wanna impregnate (umm) and Dr. Dre said (Slim Shady you a basehead) uh uh (then why's your face red, man you wasted) well since age twelve i felt like i'm someone else 'cuz i hung my original self from the top bunk with a belt got pissed off and ripped Pamela Lee's tits off and smacked her so hard i knocked her clothes backwards like Kriss Kross i'll smoke a fat pound of grass and fall on my ass faster than a fat bitch who sat down too fast come here slut (Shady wait a minute that's my girl, dog) i dont give a fuck, God sent me to piss the world off hi, my name is... what? my name is... who? my name is...Slim Shady hi, my name is huh? my name is... what? my name is...Slim Shady my English teacher wanted to flunk me in junior high thanx a lot, next semester i'll be thirty-five so i smacked him in his face with an eraser, chased him with a stapler and stapled his nuts to a stack of papers walked in a strip club, had my jacket zipped up flashed the bartender and stuck my dick in the tip cup extra-terrestrial, runnin' over pedestrians, in a spaceship while they screamin (let's just be friends!) ninety-nine percent of my life i was lied to i just found out my mom does more dope than i do (damn) i told her i'd grow up to be a famous rapper make a record about doin drugs and name it after her you know you blew up when the women rush your stands and try to touch your hands like some screamin Usher fans this guy at White Castle asked me for my autograph (dude, can I get your autograph?) so i signed it 'Dear Dave, Thanks for the support, asshole.' hi, my name is... what? my name is... who? my name is...Slim Shady hi, my name is huh? my name is... what, my name is...Slim Shady stop the tape, this kid needs to be locked away (get him) Dr. Dre, don't just stand there, operate! i'm not ready to leave, it's too scary to die i'd rather be carried inside a cemetary and buried alive am i comin or goin? i can barely decide i just drank a fifth of vodka, dare me to drive? (go ahead) all my life i was very deprived i ain't had a woman in years, my palms are too hairy to hide clothes rip like the Incredible Hulk i spit when i talk, i fuck anything that walks (come here) when i was little i used to get so hungry i would throw fits (how you gonna breast feed me mom you aint got no tits!) i lay awake and strap myself in bed, wit a bullet proof vest on and shoot myself in the head (bang) till i'm steamin mad and by the way when you see my dad, tell him that i slit his throat in this dream i had hi, my name is... what? my name is... who? my name is...Slim Shady hi, my name is huh? my name is... what, my name is...Slim Shady
3: Guilty ConscienceMeet Eddie, 23 years old fed up with life and the way things are going, he decides to rob a liquor store, but on his way in, he has a sudden change of heart and suddenly, his conscience comes into play (Dr. Dre)alright stop, now before you walk in the door of this liquor store, and try to get money out the drawer, you better think of the consequences (who are you?) i'm your motherfuckin conscience (Eminem)that's nonsense go in and gather the money and run to one of your aunt's cribs and borrow a damn dress and put on a blonde wig tell her you need a place to stay, you'll be safe for days if you shave your legs with Renee's razor blades (Dr. Dre)yeah, but if it all goes through like it's supposed to, the whole neighborhood knows you and they'll expose you think about it before you walk in the door first look at the store clerk, she's older than George Burns (Eminem)fuck that, do that shit, shoot that bitch can you afford to blow this shit? are you that rich? why you give a fuck if she dies? are you that bitch? do you really think she gives a fuck if you have kids? (Dr. Dre)man, don't do it, its not worth it to risk it (your right) not over this shit (stop), drop the biscuit (i will) dont even listen to Slim yo he's bad for you (Eminem)you know what Dre, i dont like your attitude Meet Stan, 21 years old after meeting a young girl at a rave party, things start getting hot and heavy in an upstairs bedroom, once again, his conscience comes into play (Eminem)now listen to me, while you're kissin her cheek and smearin her lipstick, slip this in her drink now all you gotta do is nibble on this little bitch's earlobe (Dr. Dre)yo this girl's only 15 years old you shouldnt take advantage of her, that's not fair (Eminem)yo look at her bush, does it got hair? (uh huh) fuck this bitch right here on the spot bare till she passes out and she forgot how she got there (Dr. Dre)man ain't you ever seen that one movie Kids? (Eminem)no but i seen a porno with San Nubiaz (Dr. Dre)shit, you wanna get hauled off to jail? (Eminem)man fuck that, hit that shit raw dog and bail Meet Grady, a 29 year old construction worker after coming home from a hard days work, he walks in the door of his trailer park home to find his wife in bed with another man (what the fuck?!) (Dr. Dre)alright calm down, relax, start breathin (Eminem)fuck that shit, you just caught this bitch cheatin while you at work she's with some dude tryin to get off? fuck slittin her throat, cut this bitches head off (Dr. Dre)wait, what if there's an explanation for this shit (Eminem)what? she tripped, fell, landed on his dick? (Dr. Dre)shit, alright Shady maybe he's right Grady but think about the baby before you get all crazy (Eminem)okay, thought about it, still wanna stab her grab her by the throat, get your daughter and kidnap her that's what i did, be smart, dont be a retard you gonna take advice from somebody who slapped Dee Barnes? (Dr. Dre)what you say? (Eminem)what's wrong, didnt think i'd remember? (Dr. Dre)i'ma kill you motherfucker (Eminem)ah ah, temper, temper Mr. Dre, Mr. NWA, Mr. AK Comin Straight Outta Compton, yall better make way how in the fuck you gonna tell this man not to be violent? (Dr. Dre)cuz he don't need to go the same route that i went Been There, Done That aw fuck it, what am i sayin? shoot em both Grady, where's your gun at?
4: Brain DamageScalpel (here) Sponge (here) Wait he's convulsing...he's convulsing Were gonna have to shock him (oh my god), we're gonna have to shock him! (oh my god) these are the results of a thousand electric volts a neck with bolts (nurse we're losin him check the pulse!) a kid who refused to respect adults wore spectacles with taped frames and a freckled nose a corny lookin white boy scrawny and over dishonary cuz i was always sick of brawny bullies pickin on me and i might snap one day just like that i decided to strike back and flatten every tire on the bike rack my first day in junior high this kid said "its you and i. three o'clock sharp this afternoon you die" i looked at my watch it was 1:20 i already gave you my lunch money what more do you want from me? he said "dont try to run from me, you'll just make it worse" my palms were sweaty and i started to shake at first something told me (try to fake a stomach ache it works) i screamed "ow! my appendix feel it may get burst!" "teacher teacher! quick i need a naked nurse!" "whats the matter?" "i dunno my leg it hurts!" "leg? i thought you said it was your tummy" "oh, i mean it is but i also got a bum knee!" "Mr. Mathers, the fun and games are over, and just for that stunt you're gonna get some extra homework" "but dont you wanna give me after school detention?" "nah, that bully wants to beat your ass and i'ma let him" brain damage ever since the day i was born drugs is what they used to say i was on they say i never knew which way i was goin but everywhere i go they keep playin my song brain damage brain damage ever since the day i was born drugs is what they used to say i was on they say i never knew which way i was goin but everywhere i go they keep playin my song brain damage way before my baby daughter Hailie i was harassed daily by this fat kid named D'Angelo Bailey in eigth grade the dude acted obnoxious cuz his father boxes so everyday he'd shove me in the lockers one day he came in the bathroom while i was pissin and had me in the position to beat me into submission he banged my head against the urinal till he broke my nose soaked my clothes in blood grabbed me and choked my throat i tried to plead and tell him we shouldnt beef but he just wouldn't leave he kept chokin me and i couldnt breathe he looked at me and said "you gonna die honkey" the principal (whats goin on here?) walked in and started helpin him stomp me i made em think they beat me to death holdin my breath for like 5 minutes until they finally left then i got up and ran to the janitor's storage booth kicked the door hinge loose and ripped out the 4 inch screws grabbed some sharp objects, brooms and foreign tools this is for every time you took my orange juice or stole my seat in the lunchroom and drank my chocolate milk everytime you tipped my tray and it dropped and spilled i'm gettin you back bully, now once and for good i cocked the broomstick back and swung hard as i could and beat him over the head with it till i broke the wood knocked him down and stood on his chest with one foot made it home later that same day started readin a comic and suddenly everything became grey i couldn't even see what i was tryin to read i went deaf and my left ear started to bleed my mother started screamin "what're you on drugs? look at you, you're gettin blood all over my rug!" (i'm sorry) she beat me over the head with the remote control opened a hole and my whole brain fell out of my skull i picked it up and screamed "look bitch what have you done" "oh my god i'm sorry son" shut up you cunt i said fuck it, took it and stuck it back up in my head then i sewed it shut and put a couple of screws in my neck brain damage ever since the day i was born drugs is what they used to say i was on they say i never knew which way i was goin but everywhere i go they keep playin my song brain damage brain damage ever since the day i was born drugs is what they used to say i was on they say i never knew which way i was goin but everywhere i go they keep playin my song brain damage its brain damage i got brain damage its brain damage its probably brain damage fuck its brain damage brain damage i got brain damage its brain damage
5: PaulHey, what's going on, this is Paul Rosenberger, attorney of law. Listen, I listened to the rough copy of your album And uh, you know I've just got to be honest with you Can you tone it down a little bit? Because there's only so much I can explain. Give me a call.
6: If I HadLife.. by Marshall Mathers What is life? Life is like a big obstacle put in front of your optical to slow you down And everytime you think you gotten past it it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground What are friends? Friends are people that you think are your friends But they really your enemies, with secret indentities and disguises, to hide they true colors So just when you think you close enough to be brothers they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin What is money? Money is what makes a man act funny Money is the root of all evil Money'll make them same friends come back around swearing that they was always down What is life? I'm tired of life I'm tired of backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins I'm tired of committing so many sins Tired of always giving in when this bottle of Henny wins Tired of never having any ends Tired of having skinny friends hooked on crack and mini-thins I'm tired of this DJ playing your shit when he spins Tired of not having a deal Tired of having to deal with the bullshit without grabbing the steel Tired of drowning in my sorrow Tired of having to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo I'm tired of motherfuckers spraying shit and dartin off I'm tired of jobs startin off at 5.50 an hour then this boss wonders why I'm smartin off I'm tired of being fired everytime I fart and cough Tired of having to work as a gas station clerk for this jerk breathing down my neck driving me berzerk I'm tired of using plastic silverware Tired of working at Builders Square Tired of not being a millionaire But if I had a million dollars I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick without a condom on, while I'm on the john If I had a million bucks it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out robbing armored trucks If I had one wish I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss I'm tired of being white trash, broke and always poor Tired of taking pop bottles back to the party store I'm tired of not having a phone Tired of not having a home to have one in if I did have it on Tired of not driving a BM Tired of not working at GM tired of wanting to be him Tired of not sleeping without a Tylenol PM Tired of not performing in a packed colliseum Tired of not being on tour Tired of fucking the same blonde whore after work in the back of a Contour I'm tired of making knots with a stack of ones Having a lack of funds and resorting back to guns Tired of being stared at I'm tired of wearing the same damn Nike Air hat Tired of stepping in clubs wearing the same pair of Lugz Tired of people saying they're tired of hearing me rap about drugs Tired of other rappers who ain't bringin half the skill as me saying they wasn't feeling me when nobody's as ill as me I'm tired of radio stations telling fibs Tired of J-L-B saying "Where Hip-Hop Lives" But if I had a million dollars I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick without a condom on, while I'm on the john If I had a million bucks it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out robbing armored trucks If I had one wish I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss You know what I'm saying? I'm tired of all of this bullshit People telling me to be positive How'm I 'sposed to be positive when I don't see shit positive? Know what I'm sayin? I rap about shit around me, shit I see Know what I'm sayin? Right now I'm tired of everything Tired of all this player hating that's going on in my own city Can't get no airplay, you know what I'm sayin? But ey, it's cool though, you know what I'm sayin? Just fed up That's my word
7: '97 Bonnie and Clydejust the two of us baby, your dadda loves you (just the two of us) and i'll always be here for you (just the two of us) no matter what happens (just the two of us) your all i got in this world (just the two of us) i would never give you up for nothing (just the two of us) just the two of us nobody in this world is ever gonna keep you from me (just the two of us) i love you Come on, hey hey, we goin' to the beach grab a couple of toys and let dadda strap you in the car seat Where's Mama? She's takin' a little nap in the trunk... Oh, that smell, dadda must have runned over a skunk now I know what you're thinkin' it's kind of late to go swimmin', but you know your mama, she's one of those types of women- that do crazy things, and if she don't get her way, she'll throw a fit don't play with dadda's toy knife, honey, let go of it and don't look so upset, why you actin' bashful? don't you wanna help dadda build a sand castle? your mama said she wants to show how far she can float and don't worry about that little boo-boo on her throat it's just a little scratch it don't hurt her was eatin' dinner while you was sleepin' and spilled ketchup on her shirt mama's messy, ain't she we'll let her wash off in the water and me and you can play by ourselves, can't we? just the two of us just the two of us and when we ride just the two of us just the two of us just you and i just the two of us just the two of us and when we ride just the two of us just the two of us see honey, there's a place called heaven and a place called hell a place called prison and a place called jail and dadda's probably on his way to all of 'em except one cause mama's got a new husband and a step-son and you don't want a brother do ya? (Nah) maybe when you're old enough to understand a little better, I'll explain it to ya but for now we'll just say that mama was real, real bad she was bein' mean to dad and made him real, real mad but I still feel sad that I put her on time out sit back in your chair honey, quit tryin' to climb out I told you it's okay, hey hey, wanna baba? take a night-night, nana-boo, goo-goo ga-ga, humma goo-goo caca dad'll change your nighty clean the baby up so her can take a nighty-nighty you're dad'll wake her up as soon as we get to the water '97 Bonnie and Clyde, me and my daughter just the two of us just the two of us and when we ride just the two of us just the two of us just you and i just the two of us just the two of us and when we ride just the two of us just the two of us wake up sleepy head we're here before we play, we're gonna take mommy for a little walk along the pier hailie, don't cry honey, don't get the wrong idea mama's too sleepy to hear you screamin' in her ear that's why you can't get her to wake but don't worry, dadda made a nice bed for mommy at the bottom of the lake here, you wanna help dadda tie a rope around this rock? we'll tie it to her footsie then we'll roll her off the dock ready now, here we go, on the count of three one, two, three...weeeeeeeeee there goes mama splashin' in the water no more fightin' with dad, no more restrainin' order no more step dadda, no more new brother blow her kisses bye-bye, tell mama you love her we'll go play in the sand, build a castle and junk but first, just help dad with two more things out the trunk just the two of us just the two of us and when we ride just the two of us just the two of us just you and i just the two of us just the two of us and when we ride just the two of us just the two of us just the two of us just me and you baby just the two of us that's all we need in this world just the two of us just me and you just the two of us your dadda will always be here for you your dadda's always gonna love you remember that if you ever need me i'ma always be here for you if you ever need anything, just ask dadda will be right there your dadda loves you i love you baby
8: BitchJustin? It's Zoe. Kelly did not have me call, however I just listened to Eminem in her car and it is the most disgusting thing I have ever heard in my entire life. And I seriously wanna call his fucking agent And tell him how fucking disgusting he is It, like, makes me upset and I'm now nausious and I can't eat lunch. Goodbye.
9: Role ModelOkay, I'm going to attempt to drown myself. You can try this at home. You can be just like me. mic check, 1, 2 we recording? i'm cancerous so when I diss you wouldn't wanna answer this if you responded back with a battle rap you wrote for cannibus I'll strangle you to death and i'll choke you again and break your fuckin legs til your bones poke through your skin you beef with me, im'a even the score equally take you on jerry springer and beat your ass legally I get you blunted off of funny home grown, cuz when I smoke out I hit the trees harder than sonny bono (oh no) so if I said I never did drugs that would mean I lie and get fucked more than the president does hillary clinton tried to slap me and call me a pervert i ripped her fuckin tonsils out and fed her sherbert my nerves hurt, lately i'm on edge grabbed vanilla ice and ripped out his blonde dreads every girl I ever went out with has gone lez follow me and do exactly what the song says: smoke weed, take pills, drop outta school, kill people and drink then jump behind the wheel like it was still legal i'm dumb enough to walk in a store and steal so i'm dumb enough to ask for a date with lauren hill some people only see that i'm white, ignorin skill cuz I stand out like a green hat with a orange bill but I don't get pissed, ya'll don't even see through the mist how the fuck can I be white, I don't even exsist I get a clean shave, bathe, go to a rave die from an overdose and dig myself up outta my grave my middle finger won't go down, how do I wave and this is how i'm supposed to teach kids how to behave? now follow me and do exactly what you see don't you wanna grow up to be just like me? I slapped women in each room then o.d. don't you wanna grow up to be just like me? me and marcus allen was butt-fuckin nicole when we heard a knock at the door, must a been ron gold jump behind the door, put the orgy on hold kill them both and smear blood on the white bronco (we did it) my mind won't work if my spine don't jerk I slapped garth brooks out of his rhinestone shirt i'm not a playa just a ill rhyme saya that'll spray an aeresol can up at the ozone laya my rap style's warped i'm runnin out the mourge witcha dead grandmother's corpse to throw it on ya porch jumped in a chicken hawk cartoon with a cape on and beat up foghorn leghorn with an acorn i'm bout as normal as norman bates with the forman of traits a pre-mature birth that was 4 minutes late (mother, are you there, I love you I never meant to hit you over the head with that shovel) will somebody please explain to my brain that I just severed a main vein with a chainsaw and i'm in pain I take a breather inside either i'm high or i'm nuts cuz if you ain't tiltin this room neither am i so when you see your mom with a thermometer shoved in her ass then it probably is obvious, I got it on with her cuz when I drop this solo shit, it's over with I bought cage's tape, opened it and dubbed over it I came to the club drunk with a fake id don't you wanna grow up to be just like me I been with 10 women who got hiv don't you wanna grow up to be just like me I got genital warts and it burns when I pee don't you wanna grow up to be just like me I tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree you probably wanna grow up to be just like me
10: LoungeThis is for all the ladies out there... I never meant to... give you mushrooms girl I never meant to... bring you to my world And now you're lying in the corner...crying Yeah, woooo!
11: My FaultI never meant to give you mushrooms girl I never meant to bring you to my world but now you're sitting in the corner crying and now its my fault my fault I never meant to give you mushrooms girl I never meant to bring you to my world but now you're sitting in the corner crying and now its my fault my fault I went to Jon's grave with Ron and Dave and met a new wave blonde babe with half of her head shaved A nurse aid who came to get laid and tied up with first aid tape and raped on the first date Susan, an ex heroin addict who just stopped using Who loved booze and alternative music Told me she was going back into using again I said 'Wait first try this hallucinogen Its better than heroin, haze,the booze, and the gin c'mere lets go in here' 'Who's in the den?' 'Its me and Kelly' 'My bad' (sorry) 'lets try another room' 'I don't trust you' 'Shut up slut, chew up this mushroom this will help you get in touch with your goods we'll get barefoot, butt naked and run in the woods' 'Oh hell, I might as well try em this party is so drag' 'Oh dag! I didn't mean for you to eat the whole bag!' I never meant to give you mushrooms girl I never meant to bring you to my world but now you're sitting in the corner crying and now its my fault my fault I never meant to give you mushrooms girl I never meant to bring you to my world but now you're sitting in the corner crying and now its my fault my fault 'Yo Sue!' 'Get away from me I don't know you' 'Oh shoot she's tripping!' 'I Need to go puke!' 'I wasn't tryin to turn this into something major I just wanted to make you appreciate nature. Susan, stop crying I don't hate ya the worlds not against you, I'm sorry your father raped you so what you had your little coochie in your dads mouth? That ain't no reason to start wiggin and spazz out' She said 'HELP ME I THINK IM HAVING A SEIZURE!' I said 'I'm high too bitch quit grabbing my T-shirt! (LET GO!) Wont you calm down, you're starting to scare me' She said 'I'm 26 years old and I'm not married' 'I don't even have any kids and I cant cook' 'I'm over here Sue you're talking to a plant look we have to get to a hospital before its too late cuz ive never seen no one eat as many shrooms as you ate' I never meant to give you mushrooms girl I never meant to bring you to my world but now you're sitting in the corner crying and now its my fault my fault I never meant to give you mushrooms girl I never meant to bring you to my world but now you're sitting in the corner crying and now its my fault my fault 'Susan..wait where are you going? you better be careful!' 'Leave me alone dad, I'm sick of getting my hair pulled' 'I'm not your dad, quit trying to swallow your tongue, want some gum?? put down the scissors before you do something dumb ill be right back just chill baby please I gotta go find Dave he's the one who gave me these Jon where's Dave at before I bash you' 'He's in the bathroom. I think he's takin a crap dude' 'Dave, pull up your pants we need an ambulance there's a girl upstairs talkin to plants Choppin her hair off And there's only 2 days left of spring break how long do these things take to wear off? 'Well that depends on how many you had' 'I took 3, she ate the other 22 caps now she's upstairs crying out her eyeballs, drinkin Lysol' 'She's gonna die dude' 'I know and its my fault!!' (MY GOD!) I never meant to give you mushrooms girl I never meant to bring you to my world but now you're sitting in the corner crying and now its my fault my fault I never meant to give you mushrooms girl I never meant to bring you to my world but now you're sitting in the corner crying and now its my fault my fault WHAT DO I DO? MY GOD I'm SO SORRY!! I'm SO SORRY!! SUSAN PLEASE WAKE UP!!! PLEASE!!! PLEASE WAKE UP!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!??! YOURE NOT DEAD!! YOURE NOT DEAD!!! I KNOW YOURE NOT DEAD!!! WAKE UP!
12: Ken Kaniff[Ken Kaniff]I'm gonna call this motherfucker. Oh fuck yeah. Give him a piece of mind. A piece of my ass. [Operator]Thank you for waiting. Hello, may I help you. [Ken Kaniff]Oh thank you. I need to make a collect call. [Operator]What number? [Ken Kaniff]Oh the number is **6-2*** [Operator]At the tone, please say your name. [Ken Kaniff]Kenneth Kaniff, from Connecticut. Automated piece of shit. [Eminem]Yo. [Ken Kaniff]Hey there, cock boy. [Eminem]Who's this? [Ken Kaniff]This is Ken Kaniff. [Eminem]Who? [Ken Kaniff]Ken Kaniff from Connecticut, you little bitch. [Eminem]From Connecticut? I don't know nobody in Connecticut. [Ken Kaniff]Yeah, you wanna get a hotel room with me? [Eminem]A hotel room? [Ken Kaniff]Yeah, you want me to lick your ass, Eminem? [Eminem]Yo, who is this, Cage? [Ken Kaniff]You want me to fuckin melt in your mouth and not in your hand? Melt in your ass you little cock boy. [Eminem]Yo, shut up you little bitch. [Ken Kaniff]Oh, you think I'm lying huh... [Eminem]Hahahahahaha
13: Cum On EverybodyYo, mic check Testing one, two, um... twelve My favourite color is red, like the blood shed From Kurt Cobain's head when he shot himself dead Women all grabbin' at my shishkabob Bought Lauryn Hill's tape so her kids could starve You thought I was livid, now I'm even more so Shit I got full blown AIDS and a sore throat I got a wardrobe with an orange robe I'm in the fourth row, signin' autographs until my show I just remembered that I'm absent minded Wait, I mean I've lost my mind I can't find it I freestylin every verse that I spit Cuz I don't even remember the words to my shit I told the doc that I need a change in sickness I gave a girl herpes in exchange for syphillis Put my LP on your Christmas gift list You wanna get high, here bitch just sniff this Cum on everybody, get down tonight I tried suicide once and I'll try it again That's why I write songs where I die at the end Cuz I don't give a fuck, like my middle finger was stuck And I was waving it at everybody screamin' "I suck" I go on stage in front of a sellout crowd And yell out loud "All y'all get the hell out now" Fuck rap, I'm givin' it up y'all, I'm sorry But Eminem this is your record release party! I'm bored out of my gourd So I took a hammer and nailed my foot the the floorboard of my Ford I guess I'm just a sick, sick bastard Just one sandwich short of a picnic basket One Excederin tablet short of a full medicine cabinet Feel like my head has been shredded like lettuce and cabbage And if you ever see a video for this shit I'll probably be dressed up like a mummy with my wrists slit Cum on everybody, get down tonight Got bitches on my jock out in East Detroit Cuz they think I'm a motherfuckin Beastie Boy So I told 'em I was Mike D, they was like gee I don't know, he might be! I told em meet me at Kid Rock's next concert I'll be standin by the Loch Ness monster, peace out Then I jetted to the weed house, smoked out til I started bustin freestyles Broke out then I dipped quick, back to the crib, put on lipstick Crushed up the Tylenol and ate it with a dipstick Made a couple of prank calls collect (Ken Kaniff from Connecticut, can you accept?) I wanna make songs all the fellas dog And murder every rich rapper that I'm jealous of So just remember when I bomb your set Yo, I only cuss to make your mom upset Cum on everybody get down tonight
14: Rock BottomA' yo This song is dedicated to all the happy people All the happy people Who have real nice lives That have now idea what its like to be broke as fuck I feel like I'm walking a tight rope without a circus net I'm popping per cassette I'm a nervous wreck I deserve respect But I'm working sweat for this worthless check 'Bout to burst this tech, for somebody to reverse this debt Minimum wage got my adrenaline caged Full of venom and rage Ecspecially when I'm engaged And my daughter's down to her last diaper That's got my ass hyper I pray that god answers, maybe I'll ask nicer Watching ballers while they crossing and pathfinders These overnight stars becomin autograph signers We'll all gone blow up and leave the past behind us Along with the small fry's and average half pinters Well player haters turnin bitch like they have vagina's 'Cause we see them dollar signs and let the cash blind us Money will brainwash and leave your ass mindless Snakes sliver up the grass spine less Thats Rock Bottom When this life makes you mad enough to kill Thats Rock Bottom When you want somthing bad enough to steal Thats Rock Bottom When you feel like you have had it up to here 'cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear Thats Rock Bottom When this life makes you mad enough to kill Thats Rock Bottom When you want somthing bad enough to steal Thats Rock Bottom When you feel like you have had it up to here 'cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear My life is full of empty promises And broken dreams I'm hopin' things will look up But there ain't no job openings I feel discouraged, hungry and malnourished Liven in this house with no furnice, un-furnished I'm sick of working dead end jobs with lame pay Tired of being hired and fired on the same day But fuck it, you know the rules to the game, play 'Cause when we die we know were all going the same way It's cool to be player, but it sucks to be the fan 'Cause all you need is bucks to be the man Plus a luxury Sedan Too comfortable and roomy in the six They threw me in the mix With all these gloomy lunatics Walkin around depressed And smoke a pound of sets a day And yesterday went by so quick it seems like it was just today My daughter wants to throw the ball but I'm too stressed to play Live half my life throw the rest away Thats Rock Bottom When this life makes you mad enough to kill Thats Rock Bottom When you want somthing bad enough to steal Thats Rock Bottom When you feel like you have had it up to here 'cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear Thats Rock Bottom When this life makes you mad enough to kill Thats Rock Bottom When you want somthing bad enough to steal Thats Rock Bottom When you feel like you have had it up to here 'cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear There's people that love me and people that hate me But it's the evil that made me this backstabber MC called Slim Shady I want the money, the women, the fortune and fame If it means I end up burning in hell scorching in flames Means I'm stealing your check book and forging your name Like times lives for eternal torture and pain 'Cause right now I feel like I just hit the rock bottom I got problems and now everbody on my block's got 'em I'm screaming like those two cops when 2pac shot 'em Holding two glocks, I hope your door got two locks on 'em My daughters feet ain't got no shoes or socks on 'em And them rings you wearing look like they got a few rocks on 'em While you flaunting them I could be taking them to shops to pawn them I got a couple of rings and a brand new watch you want 'em? 'Cause I ain't never went gold of one song Im running up on someones lawn with guns drawn Thats Rock Bottom When this life makes you mad enough to kill Thats Rock Bottom When you want somthing bad enough to steal Thats Rock Bottom When you feel like you have had it up to here 'cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear Thats Rock Bottom When this life makes you mad enough to kill Thats Rock Bottom When you want somthing bad enough to steal Thats Rock Bottom When you feel like you have had it up to here 'cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear
15: Just Don't Give A FuckWoah get your hands in the air And get to clapping 'em back and forth because this is what you thought it wasn't It be the brothers representin the dirty dozen ? And check out the man he goes by the name of... ...Slim Shady, brain dead like Jim Brady I'ma M-80 you little like that Kim lady i'm buzzin dirty dozen naughty rotten rhymer cursin that you players worse than Marty Shottenheimer you wacker than the motherfucker you bit your style from you aint gon sell two copies if you press a double album admit it fuck it while we comin out in the open i'm doin acid crack smack coke and smokin dope then my name is Marshall Mathers i'ma alcoholic (hi Marhsall) i have a disease and they dont know what to call it better hide your wallet cuz im comin up quick to strip your cash bought a ticket to your concert just to come and whip your ass bitch i'm comin out swingin so fast it'll make your eyes spin you gettin knocked the fuck out like Mike Tyson the proof is in the puddin your stats just dont hold me i slit your motherfuckin throat worse than Ron Goldman so when you see me on your block wit two glocks screamin "fuck the world" like Tupac I just dont give a fuck talkin that shit behind my back dirty mack and tellin your boys that i'm on crack I just dont give a fuck so put my tape back on the rack go run and tell your friends my shit is wack I just dont give a fuck but see me on the street and duck cuz you gon get stuck stole and snuck cuz I just dont give a fuck i'm nicer than Pete but i'm a search to crush a milkbone i'm everlastin i melt Vanilla Ice like silicon i'm ill enough to just straight up diss you for no reason i'm colder than snow season when its twenty below freezin flavor wit no seasonin this is the sneak preview i'll diss your magazine and still wont get a weak review i'll make your freak leave you smell the Folgers crystals this is lyrical combat gentlemen hold your pistols but i form like Voltron and blast you wit my sonar missles Slim Shady, Eminem was the old initials (bye bye) extortion snortin supportin abortion pathological liar blowin shit outta proportion the luniest zaniest spontaneous sporadic compulsive thinker compulsive drinker addict half animal half man dumpin your dead body inside of a fuckin trash can with more holes than an Afghan so when you see me on your block wit two glocks screamin "fuck the world" like Tupac I just dont give a fuck talkin that shit behind my back dirty mack and tellin your boys that i'm on crack I just dont give a fuck so put my tape back on the rack go run and tell your friends my shit is wack I just dont give a fuck but see me on the street and duck cuz you gon get stuck stole and snuck cuz I just dont give a fuck somebody let me out this limosuine i'ma caged demon (hey lemme out) on stage screamin like Rage Against the Machine I'm convinced i'ma fiend shootin up while this record is spinnin clinically brain dead i dont need a second opinion fuck droppin the jewel i'm flippin the sacred treasure i bite your motherfuckin style just to make it fresher i cant take the pressure i'm sick of bitches sick of naggin bosses bitchin while im washin dishes in school i never said much too bust havin a head rush doin too much rush had my face flushed like red blush then i went to Jim Beam thats when my face strayed went to gym in eigth grade raped the women's swim team dont take me for a joke i'm no comedian too many mental problems got me snortin coke and smokin weed again i'm goin up over the curve drivin over the median finally made it home but i dont got the key to get in so when you see me on your block wit two glocks screamin "fuck the world" like Tupac I just dont give a fuck talkin that shit behind my back dirty mack and tellin your boys that i'm on crack I just dont give a fuck so put my tape back on the rack go run and tell your friends my shit is wack I just dont give a fuck but see me on the street and duck cuz you gon get stuck stole and snuck cuz I just dont give a fuck (Ah shit fuck everybody) Outsidaz... Pacewon... Young Zee... (fuck the entire world) D.U...
16: Soap"Skylar Montgomery?" "What do you want from me Roger?" "I know it was you all along messing around with my dear Veronica." "Wait a minute. You hold it right there. Me and that woman love each other." "Love? What do you know of love?" "We were destined to be together. I met her on the beach..." "Are you out to destroy me?" "No, Roger. That's not what I want to do. I love her! And we're gonna be together, never."
17: As The World TurnsI dont know why this world keep turning Round and Round But I wish it would stop, and let me off right now Yes man As the World Turns We all experience things in life Trials and Tribulations That we all must go through When someone wants to test us When someone tries our patience I hang with a bunch of hippies and wacky tobacco planters Who swallow lit roaches and light up like jack-o-lanterns Outsiders baby, and we suing the courts Cuz we're dope as fuck and only get a 2 in the source They never should've booted me out of reform school Deformed fool, takin the shit, now warn Bulls They threw me out the Ramada Inn I said it wasn't me, I got a twin (Oh my god its you! Not again!) It all started when my mother took my bike away Cuz I murdered my guinea pig and stuck him in the microwave After that, It was straight to the 40 ouncers Slappin teachers, and jackin off in front of my counselors Class clown freshman, dressed like Les Nessman Fuck the next lesson, I'll past the test guessin And all the other kids said Eminem's a dishead He'll never last, the only class he'll pass is phys ed May be true, till I told this bitch in gym class That she was too fat to swim laps, she needed Slim Fast (Who Me?) Yeah bitch you so big you walked into big Tanny's and stepped on Jenny Craig She picked me up to snap me like a skinny twig Put me in the headlock, then I thought of my guinea pig I felt the evilness and started transformin (RARRRR!) It began storming, I heard a bunch of cheering fans swarming Grabbed that bitch by her hair Drug her across the ground And took her up to the highest diving board and tossed her down Sorry coach, its too late to tell me stop While I drop this bitch face down and watch her belly flop I dont know why this world keep turning Round and Round But I wish it would stop, and let me off right now As the World Turns These are the days of our lives These are the things that we must go through Day by day We drive around in million dollar sports cars While little kids hide this tape from their parents like bad report cards Outsiders, and we suing the courts Cuz we dope as fuck and only get a 2 in The Source Hypercondriac, hanging out at the laundromat Where all the raunchy fat white trashy blondes be at Dressed like a sailor, standin by a pale of garbage Its almost dark and I'm still tryna nail a trailor park bitch I met a slut and said "What up, its nice to meet ya" I'd like to treat ya to a Faygo and a slice of pizza But I'm broke as fuck and I don't get paid till the first of next month But if you care to join me, I was bout to roll this next blunt But I aint got no weed, no phillies, or no papers Plus I'm a rapist and a repeated prison escapist So gimme all your money And don't try nothin funny Cuz you know your stinkin ass is too fat to try to outrun me I went to grab my gun Thats when her ass put it on me Wit an uppercut and hit me with a basket of laundry I fell through the glass doors Started causin a scene Then slid across the floor and flew right into a washin machine Jumped up with a broken back Thank god I was smokin crack all day And doped up off coke and smack All I wanted to do was rape the bitch and snatch her purse Now I wanna kill her But so I gotta catch her first Ran threw alleys, parkin lots, and took a shortcut Saw the house she ran up in And shot her fuckin porch up Kicked the door down to murder this divorced slut Looked around the room Thats when I seen the bedroom door shut I know you're in there bitch! I got my gun cocked! You might as well come out now She said "Come in, its unlocked!" I walked in and all I smelled was Liz Claiborne And seen her spread across the bed naked watchin gay porn She said "Come her big boy, lets get acquainted" I turned around to run, twisted my ankle and sprained it She came at me at full speed, nothin could stop her I shot her five times and every bullet bounced off her I started to beg "No, please let go" But she swallowed my fuckin leg whole like an egg roll With one leg left, now I'm hoppin around crippled I grabbed my pocket knife and sliced off her right nipple Just trying to buy me some time, then I remembered this magic trick Den Den Den Den Den Den, Go go gadget dick! Whipped that shit out, and aint no doubt about it It hit the ground and caused an earthquake and power outage I shouted "Now bitch, lets see who gets the best!" Stuffed that shit in crooked and fucked that fat slut to death (Ahh!! Ahhh!) Come here bitch! Come here! Take this motherfuckin dick! Bitch, come here! I dont know why this world keep turning Round and Round But I wish it would stop, and let me off right now And as we go along Throughout the days of our lives We all face small obstacles and challenges every day That we must go through These are the things that surround us through our atmohsphere Every Day Every single day the world keeps turning
18: I'm ShadyWho came through with two glocks to terrorize your borough (Huh?) Told you how to slap dips and murder your girl (I did) Gave you all the finger and told you to sit and twirl Sold a billion tapes and still screamed fuck the world (Slim Shady) so come and kill me while my name's hot And shoot me twenty five times in the same spot (Ow) Think I've got a generation brainwashed To pop pills and smoke pot till they brains rot (Uh, oh?) Stop they blood flow until they veins clot I need a pain shot, and a shot of plain scotch Purple haze and acid raindrops Spiked the punch at the party and drank pop (gulp gulp) Shaved my armpits and wore a tank top Bad Boy, I told you that I can't stop Gotta make 'em fear you before you make 'em feel you So everybody buy my shit or I'ma come and kill you I got mushrooms I got acid I got tabs and aspirin tablets I'm your brother when you need some new weed to set you free You know me I'm your friend when you need a mini-thin (Slim Shady) I'm Shady! I like happy things I'm really calm and peaceful (Uh huh huh) I like birds, bees, I like people I like funny things that make me happy and gleeful Like when my teacher sucked my wee-wee in preschool (Woo!) The ill type, I stab myself with a steel spike While I blow my brain out just to see what it feels like And this is how I am in real life I don't want to just die a normal death, I wanna be killed twice (Uh huh) How you wanna scare somebody with a gun threat When they're high off of drugs they haven't even done yet So bring the money by tonight Cause your wife says this is the biggest knife she ever saw in her life (Help me help me) I try to keep it positive and play it cool Shoot up the playground and tell the kids to stay in school (Stay in school!) Cause I'm the one they can relate to and look up to better Tonight I think I'll write my biggest fan a fuck you letter I got mushrooms I got acid I got tabs and aspirin tablets I'm your brother when you need some new weed to set you free You know me I'm your friend when you need a mini-thin (Slim Shady) I'm Shady! I listen to your demo tape and act like I don't like it (Aw that shit is wack) Six months later you hear your lyrics on my shit (Hey that's my shit!) People don't buy shit no more they just dub it That's why I'm still broke and had the number one club hit (Yup, uh huh) But they love it when you make your business public So fuck it, I've got herpes while we're on the subject (Uh huh) And if I told you I had AIDS y'all would play it Cause you stupid motherfuckers think I'm playing when I say it Well, I do take pills I don't do speed I Don't do crack I don't do coke I do smoke weed I Don't do smack I do do shrooms I Do drink beer I just wanna make a few things clear My baby mama's not dead (nuh uh) she's still alive and bitching (yup) And I don't have herpes, my dick's just itching It's not syphillis, and as for being AIDS infested I don't know yet, I'm too scared to get tested I got mushrooms I got acid I got tabs and aspirin tablets I'm your brother when you need some new weed to set you free You know me I'm your friend when you need a mini-thin (Slim Shady) I'm Shady! I told you I was Shady Y'all didn't wanna believe me I'm Shady And that's my name
19: Bad Meets EvilI reckon you ain't familiar with these here parts You know, there's a story behind that there saloon Twenty years ago, two outlaws took this whole town over Sheriffs couldn't stop em Quickest damn gun slingers I've ever seen Got murdered in cold blood That ol' saloon there was their little home away from home They say the ghosts of Bad and Evil still live in that tavern And on a quiet night You can still hear the footsteps of Slim Shady and Royce Da Five-Nine... I don't speak, I float in the air wrapped in a sheet I'm not a real person, I'm a ghost trapped in a beat I translate when my voice is read through a sismograph And a noise is bred, picked up and transmitted through Royce's head Trapped him in his room, possessed him and hoist his bed Till the evilness flows through his blood like poisonous lead Told him each one of his boys is dead I asked him to come to the dark side, he made a choice and said Who hard? yo I done heard worse We can get in two cars and accelerate at each other To see which one'll swerve first Two blind bandits panic, whose mental capacity holds That of a globe on top of nine other planets Kissed the cheek of the devil Intelligence level is hellier than treble peakin on speakers in the ghetto Dismissal, I'm not a fair man, disgraced the race of a atheist Intercepting missles with my bare hands like a patriot One track sliced without swords, I buried the Christ corpse In my past life when the Black Knight mounted the white horse And stay over-worked, its like the Nazis in the nations Collaborating, attemptin to take over the earth Cuz this is what happens when Bad Meets Evil We hit the trees till we look like Vietnamese people He's Evil, and I'm Bad like Steve Segal Above the law cuz I don't agree wit police either (shit, me neither) We ain't eager to be legal So please leave me with the keys to your Jeep Eagle I breathe ether in three amounts When I stab myself in the knee with a diseased needle Releasin rage on anybody in squeezing range Cold enough to make the seasons change into freezing rain (He's insane) No I'm not, I just want to shoot up and I'm pissed off Cuz I can't find a decent vain The disaster with dreds I'm bad enough to commit suicide and survive long enough To kill my soul after I'm dead When in danger it's funny actually my flavor's similar to a waiter Cuz I serve any stranger with money I spray a hundred, man until they joint chains While slippin bullets at point blank range like they was punches Piss on a flag and burn it, murder you then come to your funeral Serve this lobbyist, strangle your body then confirm you Whippin human ass, throwin blows crackin jaws With my fists wrapped in gause, dipped in glue and glass I'm blazin MC's, at the same time amazin MC's Somehow MC's ain't that eye-brow raisin to me From all of angles of us, flash a mack loud enough to cast a avalanche And bust till volcanoes errupt Hello? (Billy) Hey yo (we're comin to get you) STOP, THEY KNOW IT'S US!! I used to be a loudmouth, remember me? (uh-ah) I'm the one who burned your house down (oh) Well I'm out now (shit), and this time I'm comin back to blow your house up And I ain't gon leave you a window to jump out of Give me two fat tabs and three shrooms And you won't see me like fat people in steam rooms And when I go to hell and I'm gettin ready to leave I'ma put air in a bag and charge people to breathe Cuz this is what happens when Bad Meets Evil And we hit the trees till we look like Vietnamese people He's Evil, and I'm Bad like Steve Segal Against peaceful, see you in hell for the sequel (We'll be waitin) See you in hell Wall Street, Royce Da Five-Nine, Slim Shady See you in hell for the sequel (bye bye) Bad Meets Evil, what? (till next time) And so that's the story when Bad Meets Evil Two of the most wanted individuals in the county Made Jesse James and Billy the Kid look like law-abiding citizens It's too bad they had to go out the way they did Got shot in the back comin out of that ol' saloon But their spirits still live on to this day Shhh... wait, did y'all hear that?
20: Still Don't Give A FuckA lot of people ask me am I afraid of death? Hell yeah I'm afraid of death I don't want to die yet A lot of people think that I worship the devil that I do all types of.. retarded shit Look, I can't change the way I think And I can't change the way I am But if I offended you? Good Cause I still don't give a fuck I'm zonin off of one joint, stoppin a limo Hopped in the window, shoppin a demo at gunpoint A lyricist without a clue, what year is this? Fuck a needle, here's a sword, bodypierce with this Livin amuk, never givin a fuck Gimme the keys I'm drunk, and I've never driven a truck But I smoke dope in a cab I'll stab you with the sharpest knife I can grab Come back the next week and re-open your scab A killer instinct runs in the blood Emptyin full clips and buryin guns in the mud I've calmed down now I was heavy once into drugs I could walk around straight for two months with a buzz My brain's gone, my soul's worn and my spirit is torn The rest of my body's still bein operated on I'm ducked the fuck down while I'm writin this rhyme Cause I'm probably gonna get struck with lightnin this time For all the weed that I've smoked - yo this blunts for you To all the people I've offended - yeah fuck you too! To all the friends I used to have - yo I miss my past But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass For all the drugs that I've done - yo I'm still gon' do To all the people I've offended - yeah fuck you too! For everytime I reminisce - I miss my past But I still don't give a fuck y'all can kiss my ass I walked into a gunfight with a knife to kill you And cut you so fast when your blood spilled it was still blue I'll hang you till you dangle and chain you with both ankles And pull you apart from both angles I wanna crush your skull till your brains leaks out of your veins And bust open like broken water mains So tell Saddam not to bother with makin another bomb Cause I'm crushin the whole world in my palm Got your girl on my arm and I'm armed with a firearm So big my entire arm is a giant firebomb Buy your mom a shirt with a Slim Shady iron-on And the pants to match (Here momma try em on) I get a master ticked with a mouth full of adjectives a brain full of adverbs, and a box full of laxatives (Shittin on rappers) Causin hospital accidents God help me before I commit some irresponsible acts again For all the weed that I've smoked - yo this blunts for you To all the people I've offended - yeah fuck you too! To all the friends I used to have - yo I miss my past But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass For all the drugs that I've done - yo I'm still gon' do To all the people I've offended - yeah fuck you too! For everytime I reminisce - I miss my past But I still don't give a fuck y'all can kiss my ass I wanted an album so rugged nobody could touch it Spend a million a track and went over my budget (Oh shit) Now how in the fuck am I supposed to get out of debt? I can't rap anymore I just murdered the alphabet Drug sickness got me doin some bugged twitches I'm withdrawn from crack so bad my blood itches I don't rap to get the women fuck bitches Give me a fat slut that cooks and does dishes Never ran with a clique I'm a posse Kamikaze, strappin a motherfuckin bomb across me From the second I was born, my momma lost me I'm a cross between Manson, Esham and Ozzy I don't know why the fuck I'm here in the first place My worst day on this earth was my first birthday Retarded? What did that nurse say? Brain damage? Fuck, I was born during the earthquake For all the weed that I've smoked - yo this blunts for you To all the people I've offended - yeah fuck you too! To all the friends I used to have - yo I miss my past But the rest of you assholes can kiss my ass For all the drugs that I've done - yo I'm still gon' do To all the people I've offended - yeah fuck you too! For everytime I reminisce - I miss my past But I still don't give a fuck y'all can kiss my ass