NOFX - Pump Up the Valuum

Pump Up the Valuum

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY SIMILAR
TAKE TWO PLACEBOS AND CALL ME LAME
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH PARENTS TODAY?
DINASOURS WILL DIE
THANK GOD IT'S MONDAY
CLAMS HAVE FEELINGS TOO
LOUISE
STRANGER THAN FISHIN
PHARMACIST'S DAUGHTER
BOTTLES TO THE GROUND
TOTAL BUMMER
MY VAGINA
HEROUJANA
THEME FROM A NOFX ALBUM


AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY SIMILAR

Hello, Welcome our CD
Can you hear the blatant similarity
To Linoleum and Shadows of Defeat.

TAKE TWO PLACEBOS AND CALL ME LAME

Canít you see my soul worn on the second sleeve
Itís going up for sale as soon as it gets saved
Interrogation blues, once again I lose

You donít get to magnify my insecurities
You donít get to site and save my unhip-ocracies
Not for sale

Take two placebos then you can call me lame
Walk some in my shoes then tell me to fuck off
My oversized hat wonít fit your humongous head

Iíll trade a hundred days for one inside of you

Take me to a cave, where I canít be seen
Solace makes the heart, pump adrenaline
Iím sick of being used, time and again betrayed

Give a man a key, he cannot not open the door
Give him something free and heíll sell it to the poor
Cíest la vie

Take two placebos then you can call me lame
Walk some in my shoes then tell me that Iím fucked
My humongous hat wonít fit your gigantic head


WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH PARENTS TODAY?

Mom and dad, how'd ya get so rad, when exactly did you get so hip
Wearing teenage clothes youíre always coming to my shows
And telling me that I should mellow out

Itís absurd, youíre singing every word.
Youíre not supposed to like my bands, things I like you donít understand
So please put down that rum and coke, thatís no behavior for old folks

Dad and mom, what planet are you from
And what convinced you to pack up and leave
Doin drugs and asking me for hugs, whatís the matter with parents today

Not again, when will it end
Dads dressing like Motley Crue and why is moms hair dyed bright blue
There staying out till 2 or 3 and then having sex publicly
I thought the apple fell far from the tree

Mom and dad I think you ought, to quit smoking so much pot
And hanging with my friends
Laying round on the couch, with my Misfits records out
Softly banging their heads

Maybe itís just a passing phase
Whatís the matter with my parents these days


DINASOURS WILL DIE

This is not a test on the emergency broadcast system
This is the real thing

Sit back watch it crumble, see the drowning watch the fall
I feel just terrible about it, thatís sarcasm, let it burn
Iím gonna make at toast when it falls apart
Iím gonna raise my glass abuv my heart
Then someone shouts thatís what they get!
For all the years of hit and run for all the piss broke bands on VH one
Where did all their money go donít we all know
Parasitic music industry as it destroys itself
Weíll show them how itís supposed to be

Music written from devotion not ambithicin, not for fame
Zero people are exploited there are no tricks up or sleeve
Were gonna fight against the mass appeal
Were gonna kill the seven record deal
Make records that have more then one good song
The dinosaurs will slowly die and I do believe no one will cry
Iím just fucking glad Iím gonna be there to watch the fall
Prehistoric music industry three feet in la brea tar
Extinction never felt so good

If you think anyone will feel badly you are sadly mistaken
The time has come for evolution fuck collusion kill the big five
What ever happened to the handshake whatever happened to deals no one would break whatever happened to integrity
Itís still there it always was for playing music just because
A million reasons why all dinosaurs must (will) die


THANK GOD IT'S MONDAY

Iím gonna tell you what I really think I like about Monday
Cause they fell like Saturdays
When you donít have to go to work, every day is a holiday
I wake up when I want to, I do anything I wanna do
Canít wait for Tuesday
I really donít like Fridays I canít do what I wanna do
Sold out at the movies, canít eat at the restaurant
Everybody wants to party, but the barís full of cigarette smoke
I think Iíll stay home, I think Iíll wait for Monday

I live a five day weekend, I gotta year long holiday
Thanks god itís Monday
The only place I gotta be is the show or on the first tee
Thank god itís Monday
Never mind aggravation, just give me modulation gimmie another key

Iíll tell you why I like Tuesdays, cause theyíre kinda like Christmas
Come to think about Wednesdays, are a little like Hanakah
Thursdays thanksgiving, Iím talking about good living
I think Iíll give thanx
Thank god itís Monday


CLAMS HAVE FEELINGS TOO (ACTUALLY THEY DON'T)

Birds are dumb cause small bird brains
But so are kids and old people
Some birds talk, most others sing
I donít see you eating a talking bird

Pigs smell bad and roll in pooh
But so do kids and elderly
I donít see you chop of an old manís feet
Put them in a mason jar and pickle them

No chowder for you, cause clams have feelings too
Actually they donít have central nervousness
No manhatten style, clams have the right to smile
Come to thin about it they donít have a face

They have no face, no place for ears
Thereís no clam eyes to cry clam tears
No spixal cord, they must get bored
Might as well just put them out of misery

Although the world could be more selfish
I guess itís alright to eat shellfish

No chowder for you, cause clams have feelings too
I could happen to you, clams have feelings too
I donít think they do, clams have feelings too


LOUISE

She gotta silicone cock sticking in her ass and one in her cunt
A butterfly vibrator strapped tight her clit
But whoís got the remote control

That would belong to Louise
Sheís got a new pet a real vaginal tease
You know that mummyís little girl is not gonna do as she please
I she donít want to get a spankin

She likes to speak like a six year old brat
Mommy discipline me cause you know Iíve been bad
Start with a cat then sheíll move to a crop
Neither one is willing to stop

She know that girls just wanna have fun
With four piercings on each side of her labia
A little luggage lock connecting each one
Prevents her girl from goin astray

Slut you think youíve seen your master mean
You better lick my puss and asshole clean
Treat my clit like bubblegum
Bitch make me come

Itís time for bed sheíll secure her head
Between her thighs for a thorough night suck
Along with this sheíll be drinking her piss
So Louise donít have to get up

Two goddesses in love
One resides below one reigns from above
One adorns cuffs while one covets keys
The purgatorial touch of Louise


STRANGER THAN FISHIN

Got a no string guitar, got a sunn beta head
Iím a rock N roll star
I ainít no musician some things are stranger than fishin

Got a beat on a drum no how to sing outta key
Got some illegal drugs
I ainít no musician some things are stranger than fishin

I know what I Iím weight out another gram
Some of us have all the luck
No matter how much we fucking suck


PHARMACIST'S DAUGHTER

Give her a call for demorol and amal nitrate
I tell her dad donít worry sir we wonít stay out late

Iím in love with her, the pharmacistís daughter
Sheís got my love, I get her drugs

Waking up in the afternoon canít wait to see her
Bringing in some colonopin, Iím huffing ether
Sheís the one for me, without personality, I still want to see her every day

We got a date and I canít wait to see my baby
If I wine and dine her she just might sedate me
Sheís so beautiful she keeps my prescriptions full
Sheís got my love I get her drugs
Looks like Iíve gone and bought the farmacy


BOTTLES TO THE GROUND

You know it when itís over
Door are closing feel the sober staring at you
You know you better take one more good look

One more round then itís bottles to the ground
Smashing of the glass what a super sonic sound
You gotta pull the plug when itís time to die
Whoa whoa whoa, bottles to the ground

Thereís a suitcase on the side walk
Thereís some records in a milkcrate
Sheíll be staying
Youíll be throwing whiskey over one lip

One more round then itís bottles to the ground
Smashing of the glass a perfect imperfect sound
You gotta pay the piper when the rats are gone
Whoa whoa whoa, bottles to the ground

One more round then itís bottles to the ground x14


TOTAL BUMMER

Go away sunny day
All the horny people sitting in front of their TV and thinking
What is wrong with me Iím not a monster
Why wonít anybody fuck me
I donít wanna live life lonely
Why does everyone have to be perfect

Go away sunny day
All the barflys sipping whiskey
Fighting ever present pity
Wondering what they are sucking back for
Is it the drink or trepidation,
Watching all trains leave the station
Left standing alone without a ticket

Go away sunny day
Stop searching cause thereís no answer
Just a long line of disaster
Thereís no simple way to stop the sadness
Lifeís not fair Iím glad itís not
This isnít heaven just a lonely planet
On the verge of self destruction


MY VAGINA

My vagina has two sets of lips, but I donít got monthly blood drips
My vagina hardly even used
My vagina got lotís of extra skin, they took my outtie and made it an in
Turning donnie into Marie Osmand

Operation successful, but now I gotta pee threw a miniature hole
Gotta remember to put the seat down and when I wipe my ass
I go from front to back Cause I donít want to get a bladder infection

I never thought Iíd miss my vas deferance
I trade it in for a par of huge cans
Now I get to hang with lesbians

Operation paid up front
Now I show all my friend my new designer cunt
They think Iím kinda weird but thatís ok with me
Cause now I kick their ass playing from the ladies tee
Thereís nothing finer than having a vagina


HEROJUANA

Light the match burn the flour
Leave behind all the wrong
Why be sad when happiness can be bought for a little more then free
Modern day prohibition
Are we men, are we children
At what age can I choose how to live

The only real drug problem is scoring real good drugs
Havenít we learned our lesson
The corner store sells the finest scotch
But whoís got uncut powder
We just want what is ours dignity

If god created plants and buds that I find and abuse
Then who the fuck are you to judge me?


THEME FROM A NOFX ALBUM

Weíre professional punkers we come from the suburbs
After 15 years weíre still having fun
Now weíre over 30 not looking so pretty at least we got a beat up accordian
Thatís Erik our drummer his fathers a plumber
He drank enough booze to get rhode island drunk
Now heís straight but smelly heís got one big belly
From living the good life provided by punk

Singin Singin Singin
Buy me a becks beer or pass me a bong
Gimmie some bushmills Iíll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine weíre over 30 weíre doin just fine

El Hefe is not satanic heís one hip hispanic
He grew up with one dozen cousins and kin
He wears baggy pants he know how to break dance
Youíve seen him do every impersonation
That Melvin on six string some tell me I canít sing
Oh I think you can just donít do it round me
Stick with what you know
Playing guitar solo with hetson and watt in punk rock karaoke

Singin Singin Singin
Buy me a becks beer or pass me a bong
Gimmie some bushmills Iíll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine weíre over 30 weíre doin just fine

My name is Fat Mike Iím obsessed with big lesbians
Iíve been a punk rocker for most of my life
I sing kinda flat Iím not really that fat
But thatís how I hit them with a hook or a slice
Iím Kent I do sound look his getting so round
Iím Timmy the Turtle he counts as he clicks
Iím Jay I donít care someone please cut his hair
Iím Limo from Scotland so give me haggis

Singin Singin Singin
Buy me a becks beer or pass me a bong
Gimmie some bushmills Iíll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine weíre over 30 weíre doin just fine
Buy me a becks beer or pass me a bong
Gimmie some bushmills Iíll sing you this song
We a quaalide or chop we a line weíre pushin 40 weíre doin just fine

Give me a casual, pass me a bong,
Give me Glen Lebbit Iíll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine
If you take the lower then I take the high